You Sick Fucking Bastard

2012

2010-01-31T23:21:00.003-05:00

The 2nd half of 2012 is when my life will be back on track. I just have to keep that date in mind and everything will be ok or fucked, one or the other.

FUCK!

2009-12-31T22:11:00.002-05:00

I made it another year. What a year. With alcohol poisioning, my ex getting married, my other ex getting knocked up and me almost being a dad, oh and the depression. I decided to post something before I'm too drunk to blog clearly.

So here's to another year. Why make a resolution that im going to break the same day. Im waiting for my ride. I'm the dd on the way but when we return I don't know. I'm drooling at the thought of drinking. And people say I have a problem. And I say fuck them. My rides here, happy new years!

Tis The Season

2009-12-25T12:14:00.002-05:00

Everybody have a happly holidays, in my pants.

No really, Merry Christmas. I'll make a post w/o a rant.

Short Term Freedom

2009-12-20T20:20:00.001-05:00

Life is short, enjoying it while it lasts.

Brittany Murphy

2009-12-20T20:18:00.001-05:00

R.I.P.

Happy Unthanksgiving!

2009-11-26T09:47:00.002-05:00

This will be the first year I'm not spending the holiday with my family. I can't deal with the drama anymore. Me and my friends are going over to another friends house who has a cool pad so we can chill and be drunk. No meds today.

I'm celebrating the food but not the reasons the holiday was based on. If we can kill native americans on purpose and accident isn't worth celebrating. I can go on forever, but I've complaining for years so you can catch my rant every year on this date on my blog.

It's Been Awhile

2009-10-29T19:25:00.002-04:00

I keep meaning to come write something. Today is no better than any other day so I decided to give an update.

As for my relationship status, I'm still dating the older woman. She told me she's divorced so I'm kind of knowing how she is feeling now. My mind isn't focused to look elsewhere so we're still together in a way.

As for my depression, still here. I'm off the bottle. Well off the bottle continuously. I'm taking alot of meds. A way to kind of numb the pain away. These meds kind brings out my mood swings more severe than before. When I take them I'm ok. As it starts going away I become more irrational. So these up and downs kind of keep me busy. I'm starting counseling, again. I want to be somewhat normal for the holidays and not be too doped up. Ten years from now I see myself in a psych ward.

I think I'm losing my sense of humor. Hopefully when I'm off the meds I can laugh at something. When is their something funny happening to somebody else when you need it?

Well, I'm out. I'll find a way to keep you guys more updated more often. Thanks for your support, goodbye.

2009-09-30T20:05:00.000-04:00

yeah

It's Laundry Day

2009-08-06T15:08:00.004-04:00

It's been awhile since I last talked. Life has been kinda chaotic for the past few weeks. I broke up with my girlfriend. It was a number of things thats been going on but I just had to end it before I go crazy. Dropping my toothbrush in the toilet was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'll blog later all the shit that when on to end it. After all of this, I feel much better. And Im already in another relationship. I wasn't planning on it, it just happened. Guess how old she is.......she's 44. I accidentally bumped into her and she dropped a book that I read awhile back that I liked so we kinda clicked. I never dated an older woman before. She's recently divorced and has 2 kids. Normally I would've just walked away and forget we ever met, but I think we may have something here. We'll see. I might have to babysit her kids. She avoids telling me their ages so I think they may be close to my age, awkward. If she starts buying me the same clothes that she gets for her kids then we're gonna have to talk.

I've relapsed a few times already. I quit the meetings. I can't stop drinking. The meeting allowed me to limit my drinking enough for me to know when too much is "too much". So Im an occasional drinker. I can say that I haven't been drunk in a long time or can't remember because I was too drunk. I don't get the logic of not drinking all together when you can just drink in moderation. And that's why a year later I'll have to have my stomach pumped from all the alcohol.

Today's laundry day for me. I'm out of underwear and I didn't feel like freeballin in my one pair of messed up shorts and I didn't want anything to "pop out". Soooooo I found some spongebob squarepants boxers my friend gave me for my birthday to wear. Makes me feel like a kid again. Guess it's appropriate since Im dating a woman almost old enough to be my mom.

One of the errands today I had to run was washing bird shit off my car. Its like a pterodactyl took a dump on my car. Kinda like a fly by shitting. The shit looked like the bird ate a baby elephant. I can go on forever with these jokes.

Other big news going on in my life that has nothing to do with me is my ex got engaged and Im not upset. Im happy for her. True, it easily could've been me. I blame my ups and downs. If I couldn't handle it, how could she? Oh well, I wish her the best of luck. Geez that last sentence was so unbelievable and lame.

I'll blog later today to see how everybody is doing. For me, today is a good day, talk later.

Sad Day

2009-07-15T08:27:00.001-04:00

Marilyn Manson did a song with Lady Gaga. I now have officially lost all hope in goth.

Hangovers Are Still A Bitch

2009-07-12T08:55:00.003-04:00

I got drunk on my birthday on Friday. I did it to celebrate not drinking. Being that it was my birthday the temptation was everywhere. The hangover sucked though. The alcohol was like a one night stand ex that you woke up next to that morning regretting what you just did. But it was worth it. Now I'm alcohol free. I'll confess the drinking at my meeting. I don't feel the urge to drink now. Anyway the puking made me lose the taste for a lot of things right now. I just kept telling myself just one drink, and then just one more drink, and here I am. Oh well, I lasted longer than I expected. No more big events this year that may tempt to drink until New Years. By then I think I'll be fully recovered.

Theirs Only 2 Days Left!!!!!!!

2009-07-08T09:41:00.001-04:00

Another birthyear for the bastard that he's still on this earth. Here's to another shittastic year!

Its J4

2009-07-04T16:21:00.003-04:00

Is it ok to drink while you're a recovering alcoholic if you drink in moderation? I can't have fun tonight seeing everybody drinking except me. Everybody picked me to be the designated driver. I never thought I'd see the day that I would be the dd? What hell am I in? I'll put roofies in all their drinks and see how much fun they'll have tomorrow. But I'm not mad. This will be the ultimate test. So far this withdrawal is not as bad. I lost the urge to kill myself, it just moved to my friends. And all this money saved is practically making me a millionaire. You never know how much of an alcoholic you are until you realize how much money you save. Well gotta go and be sober free!

Just Wondering

2009-06-26T15:08:00.002-04:00

Me and my friends are thinking. Michael Jackson was I think $400 million in debt, faked his death to escape is creditors. I'm sure he could afford the secrecy all the way down to the hospital. Just wondering, still can't believe it.

In other news, I'll get to updating whats going on later.

Wow

2009-06-25T22:09:00.002-04:00

This is one of those "Where were you" moments. I was at work. I got a text message and I ignored it. Then everybody started calling me. Its just some people you expect to live forever. June 25, 2009 will be a day we will all remember. Still, wow. I can't believe it. I wasn't the biggest Michael Jackson fan, but you have to respect all that he did over the years. I give him much respect. Rest in peace Michael Jackson.

don't know what you got til its gone

2009-06-16T20:52:00.002-04:00

feeling down and out and I really need a drink. it hurts so bad to be sober and depressed. thats what i needed to forget the bad thoughts. im tired of being a failure. a worthless waste of space. is this what life is supposed to be like? pain and suffering. i watched the bridge today. i seem to watch that on my bad days. the guy you see from beginning to the end is instilled in my mind. it was like he was just contemplating if he should do it or not. pacing back and forth. if you seen the movie then you know what he decided to do. i have to say, i have no will power. i bought some alcohol last week and one of my friends must've taken it, the bastard. i bought the liquor but decided not to sip it. so it just stood in my fridge cold and lonely and waiting for some companionship. whoever took my alcohol, fuck you, and thank you for taking it. you owe me $15 bucks.

days are cloudy and turbulent weeks are ahead. im out.

Why?

2009-06-03T22:01:00.001-04:00

I met an old friend a few days ago that I haven't seen since she dropped out of high school. Yeah, cream of the crop. She was a butterface back then, but NOW, WOW! She's sooooo freakin' hot now and with a GED! As soon as I saw her I wanted to bang......um see her. We talked and exchanged numbers. But Im in a relationship, still, with the same girl I've been dating for awhile.

Last night I told my girlfriend that I have feelings for another girl because I like to keep her in the loop of things, and because she found her phone number in my pocket so I had to tell her anyways. Jeez, is it so wrong to have another girls phone number without jumping to conclusions? I haven't seen her in awhile and I wanna catch up. Why should I have to explain every single thing I do?

She wants to go with me to meet her on Friday. I'll be glad to take her with me, in theory. She's probably going to do something to fuck it up. Or it may turn out pretty good. Or maybe she'll turn bisexual and I'll be in a threesome. Or maybe I'll just smoke some pot. So if she wants to cause a scene, Im gonna make it worth it. I can be all sorts of crazy. Life was so much better when I was drunk and couldn't remember it.

Happy D-Day JB

2009-05-29T09:33:00.000-04:00

R.I.P.

Haunting in death as in you were in life.

Kicking & Screaming

2009-05-27T20:53:00.001-04:00

It's official, I'm an alcoholic. I had a little too much alcohol one night last month and sort of passed out in a bad way and ended up going to the hospital. Apparently I had a mix of pills and alcohol in my system and it didn't react well. When my parents found out what happened, they weren't too happy and immediately came here. They were floored when they heard I had to get my stomach pumped. They didn't know it was that bad, hell, I never new it was that bad. When I finally got out of the hospital, my family was waiting for me and took me back to my apartment. All my friends were waiting at my door. I knew what was next. After denying I have a problem and cursing from everybody, I eventually gave in. But I knew at some point somebody was going to step in. My mom had a look in her eyes that I haven't seen in a long time so I knew this was hurting her.

So now I'm in a support group, yet again. So far, I'm about 4 weeks sober, woo hoo! And it's fucking hell. Quitting alcohol is a cold hard bitch. It's a lot harder than it looks. I have the shakes. The first day of AA was hard, but I did admit I have a problem, so we'll see how it goes. Almost ready for step 2!

I think I'm on the right track now, finally. But it's barely been a few weeks so I hope I stay focused. My friday nights have really sucked since I started AA. What else is their in life without alcohol. It's like I need something to hold in my right hand to compensate for it. What can my right hand hold to relieve the stress of everyday life? I guess I have to pace back and forth on this.

But in all seriousness, my meds are a work in progress. I'm learning to focus my anger and depression away from the meds and the alcohol into something more productive and less dangerous, so I picked up boxing. Kind of like a natural medicine. A person I met at AA told me that's what he does when he gets the urge. So far it's a great way to vent. I have another thing to vent about. Some of my friends told my parents how bad some of my days have been which really pissed me off, at first. I kind of distanced myself from some of them for now until I cool down, but I know they did it to help me. So I'm not mad at them personally, just how it happened, which they know that and they understand. I'm just not ready to forget.

Geez, I gotta leave on a good note. I'll get back to you on that

Ticket #2

2009-04-07T21:24:00.001-04:00

I got a speeding ticket today. Just add it to the other ticket I have to fight in court. Maybe they'll give me a deal now. Get 1 ticket, get 1 free. This prepaid legal is starting to get expensive now. But I have to think about how much it would cost me without it. Or I could just stop getting into trouble, or drive faster. But why should I get a ticket for speeding when everybody else is speeding too? I remember one time I was speeding (surprised?)and I just saw a cop around the corner & I saw he had his radar gun pointing right at me so I took the exit and went into a side road. By the time he got to the road, I was gone. Ah, running from the cops, sweeeeeet. But they should really up the speed limit like 20 mph. I cruise @ 80 mph.

Sideburns

2009-04-06T21:44:00.000-04:00

A few years ago I was trimming my sideburns but one side was shorter than the other so I trimmed it but I kept messing up so I trimmed again until eventually I didn't have anymore. I couldn't go a few days looking like that so I went to get a haircut instead, but then when I looked in the mirror it still didn't look right. So I asked the barber to cut shorter and even looked worse than before so I just told him to shave it all off. Big mistake. I looked like I just got out of chemo. So it was hats and sunglasses for a little over week until my hair started growing back.

sigh April Fools

2009-04-03T00:04:00.001-04:00

I really wasn't feeling it this year. Am I growing out of pranks? My friends expected the worst from me this April Fools but I just wasn't feeling it. Actually, I wasn't feeling it on April Fools day. The point of April Fools is to trick the person but when the person least expects it, that's why you have to get them after it's over so they never expect it. And that's what I did! After April Fools.

A few scary text messages and some blood capsules and a bloody knife was more than enough to scare the shit out of my friends. But really, what I have a mood swing that severe that quick out of nowhere? It was classic. I put the ass in asshole. But would you expect any less?

Banned From McDonald's

2009-04-01T19:53:00.000-04:00

Why in the fuck would you take a list of like 20 orders to a drive thru and hold up the damn line then fucking pull into the damn parking lot and eat. Couldn't you get your freakin' big mac ass out of the rent-a-van and go inside and order the damn food instead? And he had the nerve to complain about the $1 tea. I wanted to throw a brick at his van so bad. Why didn't the employee just tell the guy to pull up so everybody else can get their orders? Why did I have to look like the asshole honking the horn for him to get the hell out of the way?

And this isn't the last time McDonald's fucked me over. They kept on screwing up my order. I asked for no mayo and lettuce. Then I get my order and it's covered in mayo and lettuce. Normally I hate people like me but if I ask for no mayo & lettuce I really mean it because they freakin soak it. They did it two times back to back. My friends tend to not go with me on fast food runs. I seem to bring the worst out of me. Why should I have to scrape the mayo with the lettuce everytime I get an order, NO MORE! I want a happy meal damn it!

Update: The guy might've been handicapped, oops. But in my defense, he had teenagers in the van that all came out at the order window and went inside so couldn't they get the food while he parked? I don't know, I still stand by my honking.

Say It Ain't So Vince!

2009-03-31T22:38:00.002-04:00

Vince the Shamwow guy was arrested for punching a hooker! Here's the story:

ShamWow pitchman Vince Shlomi was arrested on felony battery charges in Miami last month following a violent encounter with a hooker, according to The Smoking Gun:

Shlomi told cops he paid [Sasha] Harris about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue. The affidavit...notes that during the 4 AM fight Harris sustained facial fractures and lacerations all over her face.... After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the [hotel] lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse.

I guess she didn't like his nuts.

The Haunting in Connecticut

2009-03-29T23:12:00.003-04:00

The movie kicked ass! I like it so much I wanna take it behind a school and get it pregnant and not call it for days and come back 18 years later and enjoy the sequel.

Bored

2009-03-26T09:52:00.001-04:00

My girlfriend lost her cellphone but I found it but she doesn't know it yet. I never liked the ringtone she had for me so I changed it to Ms. New Booty from Bubba Sparxxx and hid it deep in her purse. I turned the ringer up to full blast and I'll call her once she's at work in a few hours from now. Let it be my prelude to April Fools. Oh, and I added a password and locked the phone.

We're always pulling pranks on each other so she'll laugh, maybe. Plus I needed to get her back for writing "I Swallow" with a sharpie on the back of my neck while I was sleeping. I didn't find out for days. So revenge is sweet.

O.J.

2009-03-22T21:22:00.003-04:00

I like the taste of orange juice. I don't like it with the pulp because I don't like to have to chew my orange juice before I drink it. It also goes great with vodka, but what doesn't? Other than that, I love O.J. The juice that is, not the killer, excuse me, acquitted, but what's the difference, we all know he did it. I heard that the reason why the glove didn't fit was because he didn't take his medicine which made his hand swell. But let's give him the benefit of the doubt.......honestly I can't think of another scenario. I wonder if O.J. likes O.J.? Wouldn't be like cannibalism? They're both named the same thing. Kinda of like a pig eating bacon, you just shouldn't do it. Well that's my 2 cents. Enjoy the juice. Goodnight. But wait, speaking of O.J., wouldn't it be awkward to be in the same room with O.J.? Guess we could talk about football and running from cops. He was one heck of a football player. He was a good runner. Too bad that didn't work out. Too bad the slogan, "whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas", didn't work out either. If I was with O.J., I'd tell him, "Hey, O.J. don't take the gun, you're O.J. that should frighten people enough". But noooooo, he had to take to gun and start hootin' & hollerin' like an old man having a walking seizure. Well, goodnight. Taste the juice. One other thing, I don't really call orange juice O.J., I'm just too lazy to change the title now, goodnight. But one other thing, only I can make a post including orange juice and cannibalism at the same time and make it seem relevant. Ok, really, goodnight this time. No more additions, except this one time I was wearing these white shorts and spilt orange juice on it and it looked liked piss. To this day I always avoid drinking orange juice and wearing white pants at the same time. And on that note, goodnight, really, goodnight.

I Do Cocaine

2009-03-19T21:51:00.002-04:00

Sniffing the powder off the back of a peg legged stripper invigorates the joy that viagra has left me long ago. I wake up feeling nostalgic of the good times of yesteryear when dwarf porn gave me the fix I needed to get through the daily bullshit of fuckery from dumb fucks.

My fingers are broken and all but one will come up. It just so happens to be my middle finger. I call it a disablity, others call me an asshole. Makes jacking off a bitch. People think lesser of me. I guess I shouldn't masturbate in public then. I don't know what disturbs them most, the middle finger, the masturbation, or the masturbation with the middle finger.

I exhale the cigarette smoke and whisper, "what a day, what a mother fucking day".

Today's A Good Day

2009-03-18T23:51:00.002-04:00

I freak out and have a bad day. I think Im more bipolar than depressed. One minute Im drinking coffee, next minute Im slamming somebody's head against the wall, tomato-tamato, just stay the hell away from me. Im a crazy mothafucka! Where in the hell are my chop sticks?

I'll get to posting on everybody's blogs sometime tomorrow.

.......

2009-03-17T04:19:00.001-04:00

I can't sleep. Looking back at my clock it's just after 4 in the morning. I sleep for a few minutes and then wake up and then go back to sleep and wake back up again. You'd be amazed by the thoughts that cross your mind in between half asleep and half awake.

I've been thinking about this for awhile and I was able to focus things a little bit more now that Im awake. So Im writing it all down so I won't forget.

Cause and Effect:

My actions now determine my future. If I knew how my life was going to end up now, I would've changed how I lived my life earlier, but Im stuck now because I know I need to change something but I don't know where to begin. I don't want to come 5 years from now and feel like I should've done this or I should've done that. I have ran every possible scenario in my head on how I should live my future better and I can't find the happy ending. One future I keep going back to is not living much longer. It's like one thing I wished I changed, just one simple small decision I made in the past is causing me so much hell today.

I lost the will to care. Death by my hands is something I don't think about as much thanks to my on again off again meds. I just feel funny mentally lately. Have you ever felt so hopeless and the thought to end it all is just something you lost interest in doing? I guess I lost the will to live and die.

Somedays I feel so weak and just one step away from having a breakdown. It hurts more putting on a front of happiness then just dealing with the depression in public. Im tired of acting happy when Im really not, but then when I just can't keep that happy streak going people start worrying and I don't like to be cared for in that way. It makes me feel more isolated like the lone survivor in the middle of nowhere. I feel like I just want to hit the reset switch and everything will return back to normal, but it's broken.

Note for everybody out there, if you know somebody is depressed, watch them very closely.

It's effecting my work and my social life now. Drinking seems like the only way to get my mind off of it. The worst days are when I drink myself to sleep. Some mornings I wake up shaking for no apparent reason.

I just keep saying to myself that this can't happen forever, can it?

Im glad to get that off my chest, Im going back to sleep now.

Damn It!

2009-03-16T09:37:00.000-04:00

April is going to be a happy month even if I have to staple my smiles!

1Friday3

2009-03-13T09:16:00.003-04:00

Depression fucking sucks! These pills Im taking make me drowsy and weak, but in good spirits somewhat. Not taking them makes me weak and depressed. I think I'll just stop taking the meds and take my chances on hoping for a good day.

But it's Friday the 13th so I had to say something about that. Im drinking more, or rather I never stopped drinking but Im drinking earlier like 6 in the morning instead 7 in the morning. Im having a drinking game at my place tonight. Its a little game I made thats a mixture of beer pong, spin the bottle and strip poker. But first we're watching The First House on the Left tonight.

So enjoy the 13th. Go and run towards black cats under ladders while throwing salt at people to make your day extra lucky.

My Nuts

2009-03-06T20:54:00.001-05:00

I Am Sofa King We Todd Ed

2009-03-01T22:44:00.005-05:00

I need some glasses. I need it because it'll make me look smarter than I really am. I'll be getting all the play. Wait until I upgrade to bifocals, girls will be throwing all their bras and panties at me. I'll be zexy. It's how smart people say sexy. I'll be zexy and chillin with my Zima and bifocals.

Prepaid Legal

2009-02-24T18:47:00.001-05:00

Prepaid legal is the shit! Im sure it won't be my last offense.

The Holidays

2009-02-22T22:22:00.002-05:00

Easter: A rabid talking rabbit lures kids with easter eggs to a hidden place
Christmas: A prowler breaks into your home and eats your food
New Years: A baby is the poster child for getting drunk

Jen Gives Head, Jen Gives Head

2009-02-20T10:26:00.000-05:00

7

2009-02-16T20:38:00.001-05:00

I've been tagged by Shel. Im a little too lazy to tag 7 other people so 7 people who read this, do the samething, list 7 things about you.

I love cheeseburgers
I sleep in boxers and a t-shirt. I tried sleeping naked once but felt, uh too naked.
I attempted a stunt from Jackass. ouch.
I'm a boob man.
I faked an STD so that a girl that I hated would break up with me. I had to have her remember me.
Spiders creep me out, but I enjoy the freakiness of them.
The most embarrassing moment of my life was when I on crutches and it was raining that day. When I went into the lunchroom, I slipped and fell but I was using my crutches to try and get a hold of myself. My arms and crutches going back and forth just made things worse and I ended up falling. Students and teachers laughing.

Who Got VD on VD?

2009-02-15T21:56:00.000-05:00

What kind of cops have checkpoints on Valentine's Day? It was my friend and his girlfriend and my girlfriend and this guy we gave a ride for exchange for weed. The car reeked of pot and I knew for sure I was so going to jail. Luckily we just started smoking and the guy was the obvious pothead, Im just a closted pothead where Im totally baked but always have that look so its hard to tell. The guy had a pipe with him too. I was shocked and appalled. You think you know hitchhikers. If we all had only made it home, we all would've been smoking crack together. Well they arrested the guy and almost took us all in. Geez, I know Im guilty for the weed, but drugs? I take prescription nowadays YO! He just gave me a ticket. Fucking pigs, I hate them all. We are the hippies and the cops are "the man" trying to bring our high down. Well, guess it's better than going to jail. It's not the summons that pisses me off, it's the checkpoint on V-Day. I've never been stopped at a checkpoint on V-Day. Now if I was stopped tonight and got caught for weed, I'd feel much better.

Oh yeah so back to the story. For VD, I was planning on giving my girlfriend pot as a gift. I know what girls like. But in my defense, she asked for it so I felt obligated to smoke some with her. But the cops confiscated the weed from our friend and ruined VD. So I had to go to the guy whose weed cost more money than everybody else. He blames the economy for the inflation but thats besides the point.

So how was your VD?

I'm Back.....

2009-02-13T16:32:00.005-05:00

What a hellish few weeks I had. When a bad day turns into a bad week and then so on. I got really really depressed over the past few weeks. A few attempted slits of the wrist, a few calls to the suicide hotline and a meeting with my sponsor and I'm back to normal. Today is not a great day but it's a better day. I'm just surrounded by so much negativity that it's just bringing me down. I haven't been this bad in awhile. 2009 is starting off with a bang.

Over the past few weeks I thought about a lot of things including the impact my death would have on the people that care for me. I tried to compensate by thinking how my life would be much better if I wasn't in each and every one of their lives. Luckily I came back to my senses. I GOT MEDS!!!!!! Yummy meds. I'm poppin' them like skittles, safely, so far, sometimes.

I had so many things to write about over those weeks but I just lost interest in everything. I wanted to keep you guys updated and that I'm good. I don't know how much longer I'm going to keep writing to this blog. My interest in everything is starting to go away. The way I see things now, I'll probably start blogging less and less until I just won't blog anymore. But I'm still a little depressed so it just might be the depression and the meds talking.

Last weekend, one of my neighbors across the street had a heart attack and died. I never knew him but I always saw him.

But frankly, I'm tired of drowning my problems here, plus it's Friday the 13th. A day of fear for other people tends to put a smile on my face. Plus I have something to smile about, my girlfriend has been with me through this difficult time as well so I'll show her my thanks tomorrow. I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with during my moods.

My next post will definitely be more upbeat whenever I write again. I'll try and get to everybody's blogs eventually. You know what's really ironic, I have my ipod on shuffle and it went to Peter Gabriel's "Don't Give Up". My sponsor gave me a list of songs to motivate me. So I look for Eminem's "Crack A Bottle" to give me some real motivation. That's my shit.

Have a happy 13th and a commerically corrupt day made up by the government called V-Day. Guess you know which movie I'm watching tonight.

I Killed Something Today

2009-01-19T20:50:00.001-05:00

My hopes and dreams. I took it out back and put it out of its misery.

Don't Be Hatin'

2009-01-14T19:29:00.003-05:00

Time for another flashback. I remember "back in the day" I bought this gold tooth. I was so fucking fly! That was until my gums started bleeding. I think I put it on wrong or it might've been too big, but it was cool to be gangsta for half a day.

In other news, I had a dream last night. I dreamt that my sister killed my entire family except me because she felt unappreciated and I had to give her a reason why I should be spared. I couldn't give her an answer and I eventually woke up. Does it have a hidden meaning? Oh well, perhaps I'll have the ending of that dream tonight, or have that dream about the monkey driving a car which always crack me up.

Payback Is a Bitch

2009-01-11T20:58:00.002-05:00

Guess who I met Thursday? Zach! I didn't know him but I knew of him, but he knew me. Instead of kicking his ass for sleeping with my girlfriend, we had a very interesting conversation. After the apology for sleeping with my girlfriend, he informed me that she told him that she was pregnant and she said that she doesn't think it's his. I almost shitted my pants thinking back how long ago was it that I had sex with her. Karma is a real bitch. I haven't done anything sexual with her for about 3-4 months ago ever since I had my suspicions she was cheating. We were having a discussion about a girl's period over a couple of beers. He remembers her having one while they were together last month, so that excludes me I think.

He too had his suspicions that she was cheating. He said he noticed a camera setup in her bedroom so he stole one of the tapes to look at it. He said that he saw her sleeping with two other guys on different occasions, and a girl on another occasion. How unfaithful can you be? Just the thought watching a sex tape of people doing your girlfriend over and over again. I wonder if she was that freaky when we were dating. I just felt like burning my bed and all my sheets and just dousing myself in gasoline. And just imagine all the stuff she didn't tape.

Well sometimes life sucks and sometimes life really sucks, and it really sucks to be him. I said he should get tested. I immediately tested myself once I had my suspicions. She was my lesson. I kept my dick in my pants after that experience. You'll need a grenade to clean her venus sex trap. I still wanna see the tape of her and the other girl, but I didn't think it was the right time to ask.

We'll see how this turns out. I think he wants to stay with her just in case the baby is his. Now if I was in his shoes I would've been like peace bitch, I'm out, I'll support the kid but not you.

Pissed

2009-01-03T23:52:00.003-05:00

I don't get staying in abusive relationships. If somebody hurts you and you're afraid of the person, why stay and be punished? Somebody close to me is in one and she continues to stay and that pisses me off. Their would be no telling what I'd do if I catch him laying a hand on her. I'm so close to leaving right now.

The Sick Fucking Bastard Is Back!

2009-01-01T20:43:00.001-05:00

Oh it feels so fucking good to curse again on this blog. So how can I start the year off Sick Fucking Bastard style.........I got it!

I forgot which sick friend told me this story and I don't remember it all that well. And it's not a question you would bring into a conversation, but I'll tell the story how I remember it. This couple who really enjoyed freaky sex tried something new. So what they did is that they inserted food in her vagina and he would, you know, eat it. Well apparently she got sick and she got infected. She went to the doctor to get it checked out and the doctor found maggots inside her just eating the rotting food. I forgot what happened next but I'm sure they got it cleaned out.

So how was everybody's New Years? I had so many fucking mixed drinks. I need to stop waking up in weird places. Apparently I crashed at this apartment and nobody was there. I checked myself to see if I was missing an organ. I'm still sticking to the fact that I'm not an alcoholic, just a lover of fine wines and liver fuckerupers.

F%$k A Clean December

2008-12-31T06:56:00.001-05:00

I'm almost free of Clean December. I can finally curse again on my blog.

I hope everybody has a Happy New Year. I'll be partying of course. Have you ever wondered what it was like on December 31, 1699. I'm sure the party was lame. Happy New Year!

Reflections

2008-12-30T22:53:00.004-05:00

This year is almost over and it's been quite a year like every year. With all the stuff that happens to me it makes not want to look forward to another year, but you have to look forward to something. So let me reflect on the good, the bad, and the fugly.

I started the year as a redneck by being one step away from chewing tobacco. Luckily it was a short phase.

Joined a suicide support group and left it. At least I met somebody. That had to be the best break up this year. I still feel a little bad about it. Let me recap. While going to my suicide support group I met a woman while she was leaving her alcoholic anonymous group. I should've known it wouldn't last being a repeated casual drinker. Then I had to nerve to take a recovering alcoholic to a bar to watch me drink. I was testing her resistance. We ended up breaking up and she stopped going to her meetings and I never heard or saw her again. It was a weird relationship.

Getting in fights with my wheelchair co-worker.

Getting in a relationship with a woman already taken. They seem to always end badly.

Finding the girl of my dreams again and realizing she was wasn't, again.

As of now, I'm still in a relationship. So with that, another relation and another year. Let's make it a good 2009.

They Finally Left.......

2008-12-28T22:27:00.001-05:00

.....the voices in my head and my family.

Christmas @ The Movies

2008-12-26T11:08:00.000-05:00

I took my parents to see The Spirit. They were not amused.

Family Togetherness: Bite Me

2008-12-24T23:42:00.002-05:00

This is turning out to be one big family get together. I picked up my parents from the airport yesterday and they told me to drop them off at the hotel because they had a room. I didn't complain. Parents not crashing at my place isn't bad at all. But it turns out that everybody was coming here this Christmas including my sister and my brother and my other brother and his family. So to have space they just got a hotel room with a few rooms. It's not a cheap motel, it's pretty nice. I wanna be in the hotel too. My parents went food shopping and now my fridge is stocked with food. It's going to be a big day tomorrow. It's been awhile since the entire family has been together. I guess it'll be cool.

Merry Christmas everybody. I still don't know how giving out gifts has anything to do with Christmas, but why am I complaining, if someone is going to give me something for free I'm gonna take it. So I'm going to say Merry Christmas even though people don't say it because the person may not celebrate Christmas, grow up.

Great News

2008-12-21T21:47:00.002-05:00

Since I went on my anti Unthanksgiving rant and not spending the holidays with the fam, they decided to come here this Christmas. This way I can't escape. They seem to have waited until the last minute so I couldn't lie and make plans of leaving town. I'm picking them up at the airport on Tuesday. They're staying until freakin Sunday, but I have to keep December clean! Need to stock up on Egg Nog and Rum, plenty of Rum.

SHAM ~ WOW

2008-12-18T21:52:00.004-05:00

I used Shamwow to clean the blood off my floor after I killed 91 people, and I didn't have to squeeze the blood out once!

Infomercials crack me up.

Shopping

2008-12-16T20:11:00.000-05:00

I have to go Christmas shopping. They'll know I don't care if they receive their regifts after Christmas again.

Still The Biggest

2008-12-15T19:13:00.000-05:00

Mother Nature is such a whore.

Must be the Shoes

2008-12-14T22:10:00.002-05:00

You know, I'm going to miss the Bush. I don't think Obama will be as funny acting as Bush.

I Got The Biggest

2008-12-12T20:44:00.002-05:00

HAPPY FRIDAYS!

Immature male chickens of less than a year's age are called cockerels. The oldest term is "cock", from Old English coc. But because "cock" is often used as a slang term referring to the penis, this term is generally avoided for the sake of both propriety and clarity, although it remains accurate.

Still a clean December!

Unhappy Belated

2008-12-11T22:05:00.005-05:00

Leave your spirit genocide
The cancer you won’t remove
We cast our funeral rose inside
And bury the need to prove
Our mutilation is to gain from the system

The greatest artist to ever live. Twenty four days late, but better late then never. Well wishes to his family and fans, we all still miss ya Jeff.

I know I talk about Jeff Buckley a lot on my blog, but his lyrics speak my soul. Take a listen if you haven't heard of him.

A Prapa Update

2008-12-09T23:11:00.004-05:00

I was a little down yesterday but today I feel freakin' not as unhappy!

I have this taste of blood everytime I cough, but when I spit I don't see the blood, except that one time. Should I get that checked out?

So besides the possible internal bleeding, life is going pretty darn well. The girl I'm seeing I see as more of a fling. So I'm not looking for anything long term. Looking at my track history, I don't think I have a choice. As for kimmyk calling me a cheater.....technically, yes, but I cheat when I feel obligated to. I try not to cheat, really. But heartbroken and tears falling from my eyes, I run into the arms of another woman or stripper, which ever I see first. Basically I cheat when the girl cheats on me and I just do it for revenge. I just tend to attract cheaters or weird girls. Guess I'm a glutton for a constant punishment (insert dominatrix joke here). Who knows, this girl might turn out to be my wife, well lets not think too far ahead.

But kimmy gave me a great idea. My brother and I haven't had a good revenge lately. The camp trip was a bust. I was expecting the worse but got the best. My bro reads the blog sometimes so he might catch wind before it happens so I have to keep the "possible" revenge til after it "may happen". But who are we kidding, the revenge whenever it happens will be sweet.

I have this cold so I feel kinda out of it too for the past few days. I'm going to drink myself silly this weekend with some kind of beverage that gives you hallucinations, wish me luck!

Update

2008-12-08T22:02:00.002-05:00

It's hard being happy. This month is not a good month for me so far, but I'm destined to keep December the only good month of happy thoughts of post ever on my blog. I've been writing almost everyday, but I haven't posted a single thing yet since it's all unhappy. I will post everything come Jan 1.

As for a happy update I met somebody. And I get this sense that she isn't a cheater. Well, that's about it.

HAPPY fucking HAPPY

2008-11-30T23:25:00.003-05:00

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck I will stop cursing on my blog starting fucking tomorrow. I have to get all the fucking vulgarities out of my shit laced tongue. I can't say that I'm a pussy magnet anymore. I can't say bitches or ho's. I can't described my sexual exploits in detail. The blog will be alcohol free, but do note that I will not. Depression is out the fucking door. The gun and meds will be underneath my bed hidden from sight. Nothing but fucking happy thoughts from the 1st-31st. The blog will be G-Rated, just cover up the title. No more dick jokes. No more making fun of fugly people. No more road rage rants. No more jokes about STDs or taking drugs.

Happy Take Your Land Day

2008-11-27T11:38:00.001-05:00

It's like some stranger came into your house and said, "Hey, this looks nice. Here's the deal, I'll take your house and send you in the middle of the woods to live your life". Somewhere in the united states, an indian is crying. I feel your pain. I wish I wasn't here either.

I'm just going to hangout with friends and order Chinese, no skibs. The other restuarants that are actually open on Thanksgiving would probably spit or jack off in the food because they had to work and some asshole comes in to order food.

And on that note, I wish you guys a Happy T-Giving Day. Even though I hate the holidays and how the united states commercializes it makes me sick........I forgot what I was going to say. Fuck it, Happy Holidays.

Goin' Skibbin'

2008-11-25T22:31:00.002-05:00

I not a frequent skibber. In fact, I haven't skibbed in years. It's really juvenile and immature but fun as hell! Skibbing is what we call bill skipping.

Tips for a perfect skibbin':

Have a seat next to the door
Don't do it locally
Leave one at a time leaving 2 people at the table
One person goes to the bathroom and 5 minutes later the other person leaves.
The last person their in the bathroom has it the hardest. If they haven't caught on then it should be easy. If they have caught on then they have to act shocked and act like they couldn't believe their friends left them. Then when they least expect it, run out the door.

Not that I know a lot about skibbin, but I heard from a friend of a friend. I refused to be the last man standing. If you're friends like you then they'll be waiting for you. I remember one time it was so fucking funny! We were eating and everybody voted to skib. I couldn't afford the meal so I had to participate. The people caught on to the "last man standing". As our friend was running out of the restaurant, the waiters started running after him. We were all asking each other, "should we wait or should we run, should we wait or should we run". We said fuck it, and we were gone. We felt so bad. We decided that if he did go to jail then we will have to bail him out. Luckily he made it but he didn't talk to us for weeks.

But I don't skib anymore. But tough economic times are getting pretty crazy, and I'm always up for a good laugh. Being arrested for skibbing on thanksgiving would so kick ass! We'll see.

Not Home For The Holidays

2008-11-23T19:52:00.000-05:00

I'm not celebrating Thanksgiving with my family this year. Actually I'm not even going to celebrate Thanksgiving period. I'll save my antithanksgiving speech for the holiday like I do every year. Since this thanksgiving is going to be more of a solo event with my parents, they decided to spend it in Florida with their relatives as well as my sister. I'll have something planned this Thursday.

Ant Boy

2008-11-23T14:53:00.000-05:00

Waking up in bed in a cold sweat as a kid feeling these things crawling on my leg. Lifting up the sheet and seeing in horror my lower body covered in millions of ants. In shock so bad I couldn't speak, I tried to get them off. It was dark and I couldn't see all that well. Running into my parents room screaming and crying about being covered in ants. My parents assured me that the ants were not on me. They went with me back to my room to confirm, and to my shock, the ants were not their either. Being part my imagination was the last thing on my mind. Wondering how the ants disappeared so fast was bugging me. They left the room and I looked under the bed and under the pillows and under the sheets to try and find one single ant to prove my theory correct. Perhaps it was all in my head or could they be millions of ants just waiting for me to fall asleep. Watching the Discovery Channel or having the neighborhood bully bother me that day probably had some impact on my dream. Or the ants could've had a deeper meaning as a kid. Being held down by a million things with no escape that all have the power to bring me down with one single millionth bite. Nor sweet dream or nightmare can rid me of this horror. Pulling the sheet over my head was my only sanctuary. Afraid to look down in fear of the ants returning, I closed my eyes hard and swore to never open them until morning.

To this day I still believe their was at least one ant in my bed that night.

Where's My Free Dr. Pepper?

2008-11-22T19:25:00.003-05:00

I hate the fucking taste, but tasting shit for free is cool.

Thnksgvng

2008-11-19T00:28:00.001-05:00

I need to think about where I want to spend Thanksgiving this year. My brother is spending it with his wife's fam, my other brother just isn't going and my sister will most likely be there. By going I will have to deal with my dad's political talk and I know this year he has a lot to say, then I we will end up getting into an argument that leads to something totally different from what the conversation was about and he would wonder why I'm not doing better things in my life and Mom would start crying thinking about how things used to be. But this year may be different. Nah, the samething last year is still going on this year pretty much.

The other option is getting together with my friends and just celebrating Thanksgiving here. Decisions decisions. I can't blame the gas for me not going since it's around $2 now. I'm leading to more of just spending it with friends instead of fam. We'll see how far depressed I am next week.

The Soap Taster

2008-11-16T23:21:00.003-05:00

I think I have a problem. Besides drinking and promiscuous sex, I think I have a foul mouth. Like look at the title "You Sick Fucking Bastard", it kind of speaks for itself. The many times I've been popped in the mouth by my grandparents for cursing under my breath. I'm really a disrespectful son of a bitch, but I don't mean it. I guess I'm a cursexalcoholic (cur-sex-al-co-hol-ic).

Coming this December, the entire month will be curse word free, sex free and alcohol free month. Not to say I won't participate in this during this time, I just won't talk about it, as well as death. I'm all deathed out right now. So no more depression talk for December. So probably expect "Merry Christmas" to be my only post for December. Posting without talking about sex and drinking and cursing on New Years Eve is going to be hard, but I will do it. I'll have to come up with some code words instead of going out and saying it.

Suicide Rate Goes Up In Tough Economic Times

2008-11-15T16:01:00.000-05:00

Good Times.
Any time you meet a payment. - Good Times.
Any time you need a friend. - Good Times.
Any time you’re out from under.
Not getting hassled, not getting hustled.
Keepin’ your head above water,
Making a wave when you can.

Temporary lay offs. - Good Times.
Easy credit rip offs. - Good Times.
Scratchin’ and surviving. - Good Times.
Hangin in a chow line - Good Times.
Ain’t we lucky we got ‘em - Good Times.

Flashback

2008-11-15T07:27:00.002-05:00

One time when I was a kid, I had way too much sugar and I attempted to do a back flip blindfolded with no hands. 1st attempt and only attempt, I fucked up badly. I landed on my head. I felt this numbness in my head that started to work itself down my body. My brother was just looking at me laying on the ground in a daze and laughed. It hurt so bad. But I didn't cry. I was holding it in to show I was tough. But I landed on my head. Head injuries are the worst.

Bitches Ain't Shit

2008-11-13T23:12:00.000-05:00

My ex girlfriend officially found out I was cheating. I still wish I decided to keep it going. It would've been more satisfying. She came to my place and started asking these questions out of nowhere. She came out and said that she was cheating on me. She told me that she hopes I get AID's. What is up with all this anger? She fucking cheated on me! Then she started screaming all sorts of obscenities. Funny, she was the silent type at first. Glad to see her mouth can do other things than suck dick, but really, can she really be that angry at me? She brought it on herself. I'm too pissed off to say anything else. I'm out.

Feel The Burn

2008-11-12T22:26:00.005-05:00

My 12 pack abs are more of a half a pack. This time I'm actually exercising again. No slacking off, for reals. Plus you meet a lot of hot chicks when you exercise. Still waiting on that theory to work out.

Give this exercise thing another month and I'll be through. All these beers I'm drinking is giving me a beer belly and probably killing me slowly so I felt their was a need for a change or in this case, something extra. I can't stop the drinking.

Hells To The Yeah

2008-11-10T22:32:00.001-05:00

Sticking aluminum foil in a glass bottle and filling it with gasoline and putting inside a microwave.

Life is boring so I guess I'll give an update.

Voting girl was a dud. Her laugh was annoying. I can't continue a relationship with that laugh. Her laugh is like trying to laugh while choking to death. I accidentally lost her phone number.

I'm thinking about becoming a vegetarian. Start buying more weed and eating more shrooms.

I didn't have a drink at all this weekend. I've been sober for two days and I'm proud of myself. I plan on celebrating life without alcohol this coming weekend with a keg of Zima.

I don't think I'm gonna make it to 1000 post by the end of the year. I'm like 200 posts behind. With such riveting things going in my life now I'll have 200 more to go.

Why?

2008-11-08T09:07:00.002-05:00

I know this is petty but me and old people really don't get along. Yesterday I was at the grocery store waiting in line buying a few simple damn thing. I had in front of me a old hag who didn't know how to use the debit swiper. How hard is it to use it? What couldn't she understand about if she wants cash back or not? Then I had soccer mom trying to buy something that wouldn't scan so they had to do a price check. Turned out the damn thing wasn't for sale and was for display only. Then she tried to negotiate to try and get it for free. Now this is the new anger free bastard. Normally I would just tell her to get the fuck out of the line. But I didn't. I was so proud of myself, but then Mr. 100 year old Father Time behind me starting putting his stuff on the little revolving black thing on top of my stuff while the cashier was ringing up my stuff. The old man's wife was with him telling him that he is putting his stuff with mine, but he said he didn't care about this and I quote, "asshole in front of me". Why? I turned around and pushed half his shit off the conveyor belt. I laughed and told him that I guess I am really an asshole. I purchased my stuff and left. I don't think I'll go back their again. And yes I know I should've picked another line but you never know how long it's going to take. When stuff like that happens I always say to myself, it could've been worst. I could've went psycho and body slammed the old man while destroying the promotional display.

OBAMA!

2008-11-05T21:53:00.004-05:00

I see it this way, not voting would be what "The Man" wants and I can't let "The Man" win. So I had to vote for the person "The Man" didn't want to win, and I did. Of course policy and political b.s. were the other reasons........

But while voting I got the number of this really hot girl. A polling place is not my ideal spot for picking up chicks but who the hell am I to think otherwise. I guess I'm over my girlfriend and my one day depression.

People were shocked that I didn't vote for McCain. But honestly, out of all the people to vote for, why would I vote for McCan't. I'm now blacklisted from some of my coworkers. Really people, grow up. Now if I see you walking in the rain because your car is stalled, I'll remeber that blacklisting.

P:S:

Don't mean to rub it in but, I told ya so. Yeah, I'll rub it in, I'm rubbing salt in your wounds. I'm getting pretty good at predicting stuff. My next prediction.......tomorrow is Thursday. Be shocked and awed when it's tomorrow morning at my witchcrafty.

Quarterlife Crisis

2008-11-03T22:31:00.000-05:00

Since I haven't hit my midlife crisis yet, I think I'm having a quarterlife crisis. It's like a pre-breakdown. I'll go out and buy a scooter instead of a motorcycle and find myself a sugar mama to spoil me.

It's November

2008-11-03T08:42:00.002-05:00

Got back from my trip late last night. Not as bad as I expected it to be. It was planned, it came, it went and now it's over. It was just camping. It gave me some time to think about a lot of things with nothing was going on but a few voices and total nature silence.

I had time to ponder about a few things about my life. Having so many friends and feeling life is getting better mentally, I still feel hollowed out inside. I broke it off with my girlfriend and the other one when I came back. I'm just tired of this and everything. Feeling used and not wanted. I am mentally abusing myself. It's probably just the holidays, but I'm just not feeling "life" right now. Their's too many things going on in my life and a lot of important things I'm putting on the back burner.

I just need to reevaluate a few things right now.

Get The Hell Off The Road!

2008-10-30T18:45:00.004-04:00

I fucking hate people driving! Does anybody pull over to the next lane if somebody is right on your tail? This fucking idiot was in the fast lane going slower than shit and refused to change lanes. Then the fucker changed lanes a few miles later! Why! Why couldn't he just change it earlier!? FUCK!

For the longest I've been thinking about this invention. I call it the FUCK YOU, which I'm still willing to negotiate on the name. But let me give you an example of what I'm talking about:

Now I would have this scrolling on my windshield so that the person on the other side can see it. I'd speak through this machine and it would scroll exactly what I say like some common phrases I use everyday:

Get the fuck out of my way!
Move, you decrepit old fuck!
I want to kill you very badly
You're lucky you're not a pedestrian right now
If shooting a driver wasn't illegal

But that would be better for me so the driver can no exactly what I'm saying when I'm giving them the finger and giving them death threats. This way I can put my actions into words and not into bullets or knives. Sometimes I feel I'm not getting my point across. Then one day I'll be having a really bad day, and some asshole will fucking tick me off and I'll end up blacking out and waking up covered in blood holding a decapitated head of a senior citizen. Somedays I scare myself with my thoughts. If I ever become a serial killer, beware. I'd kill everybody. (evil laugh) But I'm more of a kill myself kind of guy.

And on that note I'm leaving to get on the plane tonight so I'll be gone for a few days to see my brother. I need some fucking time off before I go crazy. Sorry I can't post on Halloween but do know that I'll be living it up this weekend. Have a Happy Halloween. And feel free to throw eggs at trick/treaters.

Scarlet B

2008-10-29T19:51:00.001-04:00

My girlfriend finally has her suspicions about me cheating on her. About damn time. I was wondering if I had leave a shit load of condoms all over my apartment, but she got the message. It was the hickey on my neck. I told her I cut myself shaving. I know she doesn't believe me. She dropped it way too quick. I was hoping she would at least wait until after I got back from out of town. I might have to change the locks to my apartment before I leave. I can't ask for my key back because that would be too obvious that I'm cheating and I know she'll do something like washing my toilet with my toothbrush while I'm gone. I really didn't mean for her to keep the key to my apartment. I told her where my spare was because I needed something quick and she was closer than me to my apartment. Baddabang baddaboom, I'm now worried about my soon to be shit covered things. Fuck it, I'm changing the locks.

When You Know Your Life Sucks

2008-10-28T21:07:00.000-04:00

You have a college degree and your living in a van.
You have a college degree and you put tassels on every night for work.
You get laid off from unemployment.
Your wife is having an affair with a 80 year old lesbian janitor.
Your credit card is declined for a pack of gum.

Random Thought

2008-10-27T23:29:00.003-04:00

One day I would like to fill my head with helium and float for a few hours without having to worry about serious brain damage or my head exploding. Then again I'd probably end up like this:

I remember posting this picture awhile back and somebody said that he was actually arrested for something sick but I forgot. Now that's a Halloween mask.

Love Hurts, Love Really Hurts

2008-10-26T21:57:00.004-04:00

My girlfriend confronted me about asking her friends if she was a "woman of the night". She gave me the bullshit story of how can I think of her like that. I'm like the pot calling kettle black. I'm saying that she's cheating so I purposely started a new relationship behind her back to get back at her. This relationship has such a good future. FUCK! How do I get these relationships?! What are the chances that she's actually not cheating on me. I really wanna see who this guy is that she may or may not be cheating with just to clear my suspicions. I don't know, I might just break up with her and date the girl I'm cheating with. Her friend flirts with me too. Wouldn't that be great if me her friend did it. That would be great! Backstabbed by her boyfriend and best friend. I can just see the STD's flowing in this threesome turned tensome. I'm not having sex with any of these women. I'm not having sex until I find a nice clean girl. I'll just have multiple girlfriends.

Why do girls have to cheat? I'm purely cheating for the revenge factor so I shouldn't be considered just as bad. What happened to me? I used to be such good little bastard. My relationships tended to be better during my depression days. My mind was focused and I knew who to let close to me. I'm sure this all just leading to some sort of nervous breakdown.

Freaky

2008-10-22T21:07:00.000-04:00

I remember one night in a motel room years ago after a night out with friends, & before you ask, yes I was drinking, but I woke up and turned the TV on and watched the freakiest movie. The movie was about a guy with an arm growing out of his back. I couldn't turn away from it. It was a comedy but I was never able to get the title. So if anybody remembers a comedy about a guy with an arm growing out of his back and his day to day struggles, please let me know. I couldn't have dreamt it. I was drunk but sober enough to know he did have three arms. I know this sounds really stupid but it's real! I don't think it was a documentary because I was laughing, but I was drunk so I could've been watching Fantasia for all I know. But somebody has to know about this movie.

Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing

2008-10-21T22:29:00.002-04:00

I'm up for a confrontation. I asked her friends behind her back to see if they know anything about a "Zach". And they knew exactly who he was. I was shocked. It was her ex boyfriend. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, he could've dialed the number by accident. But I'm not a dumb ass. I'm sure, which I hope that her friends do tell her that I did ask some questions so that she will want to bring it up to me.

But while I'm waiting for this to happen, I gotta plan. I'm a evil son of a bitch when it comes to revenge. Once the tears are shed then I know my job is done. That came out wrong. I just want the tears to be emotional ones. Throwing glass at me and trying to kill me, those kinds of tears.

I'm going to act like nothing is going on and keep things going like normal. Get another girl on the side as a "close friend". Purposely look like I'm cheating when I really am. This is more of a game for me now. This always ends badly, but what the hell.

Gossip

2008-10-19T21:41:00.004-04:00

Rumors are going around that the girl I'm dating is a "frequent dater". I like her so I don't want to disrespect her and I hate that I'm even thinking about it. She seems true but cheating is something you can't forget. But this was all in her past or at least before we dated, maybe. My friend told me that he saw her with another guy holding hands. She doesn't seem like a cheater but now the thought has entered my mind, I kind of have to think about all the times that looked suspicious. Like the time she left her cell phone at my place. I kinda glanced over when it was ringing but I never picked it up. A person named "Zach" was calling her. Could be her brother, could be an old friend, could be.....but it could be any guy, really. Or when she is over flirtatious, but I do that too with other girls but that's my nature so that'll backfire if I ask. Should I ask her? Should I ask the girl that I've been dating for weeks if she is cheating on me? Should I just drop it and accept it and try to forget it? I don't know, knowing me I'll have to bring it up. No, I'll drop it. I say that so many times and end up not dropping it. Any suggestions?

Shopping List

2008-10-18T15:18:00.004-04:00

Toothpaste
Sunglasses
Bread
Weed
Deodorant
Pepto Bismal
Drinks
Handcuffs
Razor Blades
Bullets
Tape
Garbage Bags
Map
Gun
Knife
Flashlight
Mags
Soap
Glycerin
Baking Soda

I'm planning a weekend with my brother and his friends in a few weeks. Never can be too careful.

*21. Tracking device attached to my body if I'm left in the middle of the woods choking on my blood, so my friends will be able to find me.

My brother and I have been kind of distance lately. I talked to him yesterday for awhile and he wanted me to come along with his friends "camping in the middle of nowhere" as he called it. So what kind of friends can crazy psychotic person have? I just get this weird feeling about the whole thing. Just imagine me but a little more crazy with dangerous things. What's the worse that can happen, death? Bring it

It's supposed to be Halloween weekend. I'm leaving Thursday night and I should be there Friday morning and leave Sunday morning and arrive back in one piece or "in one piece" Sunday night. I'm like really freakin out. With the whole restraining order thing that happened and was dropped, he's been kind of on edge. And put Halloween in the mix. A part of me can't wait, but another part of me wants to keep one eye open that weekend. But it's my brother, what's the worst that can happen? It's my brother, what's the worst that will happen?

Flaashback

2008-10-16T23:40:00.003-04:00

Time for another flashback. When I was a kid I was punished for doing something so I couldn't go outside. I remember I asked permission if I could runaway. They said no, so what I did is that I packed up all my stuff in my room and setup a whole new room inside the bathroom. Then my bastard brother came in and destroyed it all. Funny, I can't seem to figure out why we always fight.

Having Financial Problems?

2008-10-15T13:09:00.000-04:00

Their's a way out. Suicide.

But really, all these reports of people killing themselves and their family's because they feel like they have no choice. Their is a way out. This coming from me of all people. Instead of facing reality, people choose not to face it. We all know its tough, we are all in the same situation. Do some cutbacks. You don't know how peanut butter and jelly sandwiches can save you money. Apply at McDonald's. Carpool. Work out deals with your debtors. When/If I commit suicide, it won't be over fucking money, please. Money is the least of my worries. Being filthy rich or filthy and poor means no difference to me. It's the way you handle yourself. These are the people who were in debt and knew they were in debt and thought things will get better. Stop applying for fucking credit cards. You do balance transfers from one credit card to another until your thousands in debt.

I read one story about a guy who wanted to kill himself but decided to kill himself and his entire family because he thought it was honorable. I know it's sad, but it's stupid. PEOPLE, IT'S FUCKING MONEY! YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT IT AND SURVIVE! Do you think the cavemen worried about money? Maybe we should all just resort to actually getting stuff ourselves instead of buying it. If you can find it or can't make it, then you don't need it. People are so damn adjusted to having things done for them. Get off your ass and do it yourself. Get a farm and grow your own food. I must've of missed the day when the dollar became the price of your soul. Get over it.

I've Been Tagged

2008-10-14T21:50:00.003-04:00

Shel tagged me and I have to name 6 random facts about myself.

1) I have a slight problem with road rage. Somebody cut me off one time and purposely slowed down, so I went out my way and followed them for miles until I realized what I was doing. Haha, the driver was afraid to stop. He was calling somebody and looking through his rearview mirror so I assumed he was calling the cops. So I started flashing my lights and moved on.

2) I only wear boxers. I tried free balling and briefs but I don't like the sensation and the restriction.

3) I fear an unexpected death. I'd like to know when it happens.

4) I have a thing for hot girls with glasses.

5) One drunk night after watching Jackass, my friends and I bought some wasabi and snorted. I felt like I was a toothpaste tube and somebody was squeezing me.

6) Mentally I start to care less about a relationship I feel it's not worth saving.

Here's the six. I'll try and tag 6 more people when I get the chance.

Another Day

2008-10-14T20:36:00.001-04:00

This past weekend I did the same thing I always do, drink. As I was purposely losing at beer pong, I wondered if this is what my life has become. A depressed alcoholic with severe ups and downs. I laugh because to avoid any serious thinking I just drink more to get my mind off of it. Captain Morgan never tasted so good. Drink the pain away, that's my motto. Since you always have to watch your back with drugs, alcohol seems to be the easiest high. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics get drunk alone, I get drunk with other people. Years down the line it will come back to haunt me but you have to live life to the fullest, since my life is thrown up in the toilet every weekend.

I remember one time I got so drunk that I swore that I'll never drink again. I only get drunk off of hard liquor, beer just gives me a buzz. I was buzzed all night then all of a sudden it hit me hard. Headaches and nonstop vomiting. I was throwing up all night about every 10 minutes. I threw up everything that I had that day, and once that was done I started throwing up blood. I was at a friends house. I was too drunk to drive. A little after 5 hours later of throwing up blood, I went to the gas station and got some Pepto Bismal and I was cured. I went home and just stayed in my bed with all the lights off trying to cover my ears from the birds chirping. I swore to myself that I'll never drink again. That was until the weekend after that.

I never threw up blood before after drinking. I had to look it up. When drinking causes you to bleed then it must be serious. I think they said that the gastric acid constantly going up my throat burned away at my esophagus or something like that. I was shocked. Now if I could learn to spit the acid. I did change my behavior though after that. I never mixed hard drinks together and drunk it for an extended period of time. But you know my motto, Drink the pain away. Once you're drunk, who'll stop you?

Marriage

2008-10-11T12:17:00.000-04:00

Not interested. The ring of prison. You're stuck for life until your spouse puts you on some life insurance and puts arsenic in your coffee, yeah, thats the life for me. Tied down to these kids I don't even know are mine because my wife and I split up and she came back to me pregnant. Waking up to the same face day after day after day. Smelling the same morning breath. Having my wife not care anymore about how she looks. Coming home from work to a cold dinner in a dark room with a depressed wife and a suicidal kid, like father like son. Marriage is not the life for me. Give me a girlfriend with no strings attached.

Time Capsule

2008-10-11T08:09:00.000-04:00

October 12th, 2009 - October 12th, 2020

My life I guess has been a little upsetting. I'll write 5 things about how I'm feeling each year on this date and compare how much I improved or not until 2020. I'm sure I'll be long dead by then but why not set an unrealistic goal.

1)Physical: This year compared to the past has been depressing.
2)Bad Times: I've had only a few serious moments this year.
3)Goals: My life's goals are on it's way. Next year I think I'll be much better off.
4)Lesson Learned: Life's lessons are improving on how I react to things.
5)Relationships: They've been bad, but now I think it's working out.

The American Dream

2008-10-10T18:37:00.000-04:00

Am I living the American Dream? Picket white fences and playing golf on the green? Make a sex tape and become a megastar. Being famous for doing nothing. Making a religion the newest hot shit since the microwave. The dream of doing nothing for your country and becoming president and doing less for it. The dream of winning the lottery and end up losing it all on something stupid. The dreams of the past of kids going to the arcade and having a blast. With Tommy fat ass who now can't get his hands off his Wii game system his parents got him. When Dad was the money maker and Mom was staying at home were the old relics of the American Dream. Now Mom shakes her money maker and Dad is slinging crack rock to feed the habit. All this while Tommy fat ass is killing animals and growing into the world's most notorious serial killer. Let's live the American Dream and watch all our money go down the drain and back to the rich bastards that took it away in the first place. But don't fret, this is the American Dream. Crack pipe and all. Live it, Enjoy it, Savor it, Fuck it, for it's the New American Dream.

Mickey Likes It

2008-10-09T21:56:00.000-04:00

But Mikey hates everything, except pop rocks. Try pop rocks with vinegar and baking soda and shake it up and give it as a gag gift. Laughs for everyone! The trip to the hospital and the police station would be well worth it.

What Not To Do In A Scary Movie

2008-10-08T23:21:00.000-04:00

Scary movies have long been watched and followed the same way. The main things that happen that you know when the character is going to die is:

Having sex. You will immediately get whacked if you have sex in a scary movie.

Investigating sounds. You hear something that sounds like somebody is in the house. Why the fuck are you gonna check it out? Call the cops and get the fuck outta there.

Screaming. Just shut the fuck up. You're already trying to escape, why alert the killer where you are?

Being non white. It's like some scary movies were a little racist. If you aren't white then that just increases your chances of getting killed.

"I'll be back". No you won't. You'll be dead as soon as you walk out the door.

Answering the phone. Just gives the killer time to sneak up behind you and stab you in the back.

Being alone. Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide.

Drinking. Drunks always get killed. If I was in a scary movie I'd be the first one killed.

Whores and Bad Asses. They talk the big talk and people usually can't wait for them to get killed. Example: House of Wax with Paris Hilton. As soon as she got killed I got my only entertainment from the movie and turned it off, of course repeating it a few times.

Opening the Door. If you answer the front door then the killer will never be there. It's a trick to distract you while they sneak into the house. The back door was never answered. Usually if the character goes out the back door then the killer is waiting out their for them.

Prom Night

2008-10-07T22:56:00.002-04:00

I just watched Prom Night. If you haven't seen it then skip this post...........................................Ok, so the chick had her whole family killed by a stalker then he escapes and kills all her friends but one. She has to be the worst friend ever.

Reminds me of Jeepers Creepers. You always expect the good guy to win and go off in the sunset. But not in Jeepers Creepers. The monster ripped his body apart at the end.

It's stuff like that you never expect, sure in Prom Night she stayed alive, but because of her everybody's dead. I mean really, couldn't the killer just kidnap her like the good ol' days? Freddy Krueger would just kill her in her dreams. Jason would just slam the axe in her face. What happened to those days? A simple axe in the face and the job would be done. Now we have to deal with killers who take their time in movies. They want to tease you by getting close to the victim. Their were no stars in movies because the killer killed the character before you ever got to know them. Those were the days.

thoughts

2008-10-07T12:18:00.001-04:00

I've been going through this awhile now. I chose to keep it out of my posts because it happens for like maybe a half hour then I'm back to normal, somewhat. I keep getting these ideas of death. I see a knife I just imagine just slitting my wrist right there. I have this vision of just jumping off a big building. The fall would just give me my brief moment of happiness. I start thinking about all the negative things in my life and how much they outweigh all the good. I know very seriously that if I was in a really serious accident that I may live or die in, then I would not fight to stay alive. It's just when I have time to myself I just keep thinking and thinking and over thinking until I snap out of it and snap back into reality and go on with the rest of my day. This is not a cry for help so don't worry about me. I usually have a way of just keeping my depression on the inside but somedays my friends and coworkers can immediately point out something is going on, especially my friends since they know I have a history of it. I decided to write about it now so I can just get everything out of my mind and into words. I do feel a little better about things now.

Alternate Endings

2008-10-06T21:07:00.000-04:00

Star Wars

Yoda goes to the dark side and kills everybody, the end.

Smile. You Just Ruined My Life

2008-10-05T10:47:00.001-04:00

Smiling is an imperfection of human emotion. You smile to make somebody feel better about themselves, when in reality, you both know you're miserable inside.

Do I Frighten You?

2008-10-04T04:17:00.000-04:00

Hello friend
We've known each other for years
I've been with you through your most difficult times
Although I've been absent during the good ones,
I remained close to you from the distance
How often we try to forget each other,
Something always draws us back together
We both know how to break this relationship
I don't think you're ready to take it to that level
Do you remember that time long ago
That time at night we were both alone
You had a bad day that day
You came and picked me up
I listened while you talked
I stayed there, silent
You wanted to hear my voice
But then again,
You didn't want to hear what I had to say
Because you knew exactly what I wanted to say
You're up and downs seem to be tearing you up
I do feel sympathy for you
I care for you
But we can't go on like this
We both must end it here and now
Why are you crying?
Quit your whining
I have other appointments you know
Look at you
Shaking like a little baby
What is it?
I should've ended you when I had the chance
Do I frighten you?
Come close to me
I've just been dying to tell you something
Hold me tight in your hands
Wrap your fingers around my body
And pull my trigger

Milk Money Revisted

2008-10-03T13:11:00.000-04:00

As my money is being flushed down the toilet and the rich people can't afford to buy their 40th car, the Milk Money idea seems to be a good idea now.

But how will people donate if they don't have the money?

FEED THE HUNGER

You Sick Fucking Bastard

2012

FUCK!

Tis The Season

Short Term Freedom

Brittany Murphy

Happy Unthanksgiving!

It's Been Awhile

It's Laundry Day

Sad Day

Hangovers Are Still A Bitch

Theirs Only 2 Days Left!!!!!!!

Its J4

Just Wondering

Wow

don't know what you got til its gone

Why?

Happy D-Day JB

Kicking & Screaming

Ticket #2

Sideburns

*sigh* April Fools

Banned From McDonald's

Say It Ain't So Vince!

The Haunting in Connecticut

Bored

O.J.

I Do Cocaine

Today's A Good Day

.......

Damn It!

1Friday3

My Nuts

I Am Sofa King We Todd Ed

Prepaid Legal

The Holidays

Jen Gives Head, Jen Gives Head

7

Who Got VD on VD?

I'm Back.....

I Killed Something Today

Don't Be Hatin'

Payback Is a Bitch

Pissed

The Sick Fucking Bastard Is Back!

F%$k A Clean December

Reflections

They Finally Left.......

Christmas @ The Movies

Family Togetherness: Bite Me

Great News

SHAM ~ WOW

Shopping

Still The Biggest

Must be the Shoes

I Got The Biggest

Unhappy Belated

A Prapa Update

Update

HAPPY fucking HAPPY

Happy Take Your Land Day

Goin' Skibbin'

Not Home For The Holidays

Ant Boy

Where's My Free Dr. Pepper?

Thnksgvng

The Soap Taster

Suicide Rate Goes Up In Tough Economic Times

Flashback

Bitches Ain't Shit

Feel The Burn

Hells To The Yeah

Why?

OBAMA!

Quarterlife Crisis

It's November

Get The Hell Off The Road!

Scarlet B

When You Know Your Life Sucks

Random Thought

sigh April Fools